I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my poor anus
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
