I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
