I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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