So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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