we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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