the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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