Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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