bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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