You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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