I wanna bring you to show and tell
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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