Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
