I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
