through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
