I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
