I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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