But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
