I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
