I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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