What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
