mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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