Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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