I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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