the new term for farting is butt boxing.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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