Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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