Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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