Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
