If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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