My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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