Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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