Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
