I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
