I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
