suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
