physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
