John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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