you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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