I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
