I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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