North Korea, Best Korea!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
