Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
