I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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