It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
