I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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