So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
