Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
