I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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