Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
