i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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