My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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