I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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