my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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