He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
True strength comes from lack of pants
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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