I hate your face
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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