they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he was CRYING into my vagina
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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