I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
