TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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