Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
