Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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