O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
