I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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