She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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