You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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