I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
