Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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