the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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