True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
