everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
