why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
