She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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