Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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