new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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