When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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