your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize