Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
