ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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