we have pet lesbian snakes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
