No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
